So, I like to keep up with national and international news and sometimes wander over to CNN. I did this just before the first game of the 2010 NCAA Tournament and found an article on soccer. This is the second time I have read an article and a lengthy comment section about the sport in the last three months. That first time was back in January just before the Super Bowl. Naturally, this inspired a rant directed at the wall in front of me. Then I calmed down and thought about what was going, thus was born a blog in which I give five reasons for Americans to hate soccer and five reasons for Americans to embrace the world’s game.
Reasons to hate Soccer and Want to Beat it like a Red-Headed Step Child
1. Soccer Fans Won’t Shut Up and Let Me Enjoy My Sporting Events
This is perhaps one of the most maddening things for American sports fan that do not get national and international news from Fox. Why is it that whenever I want to enjoy the super media saturation of the Super Bowl or the NCAA tournament I have to listen to somebody talk about the merits of soccer? Yes, I know the World Cup is coming. But right now March Madness is here and I want to immerse myself in it while seeing what happens with the health care bill and not feel compelled to look at the comment board and defend my sport choices.
This is indicative of soccer though. Around the world it is the primary sport, while the other national pastimes are secondary. Soccer fans around the world think only in terms of soccer (I got this from a very nice Brit I was talking to while watching the Super Bowl, so this is, admittedly, hearsay evidence.). The American sports landscape is incredibly complex in reality, with more than one sport being the primary national focus throughout the year. I think this is a huge cultural barrier that helps drive the polarizing soccer argument.
2. Soccer is Misrepresented
If I were to watch a soccer match after listening to a rabid fan’s description of the game I would be watching a non-stop thrill ride with players constantly streaking down the sidelines to chase down a ball perfectly delivered from the middle of the field. So often I hear that soccer is about stamina and American athletes from other sports could not last 10 minutes in one of these games.
Guess what, that is complete bull. These comparisons are inevitably comparing a soccer player to an offensive lineman. Well, I have watched a couple of those UEFA matches and I am here to say the only thing that is running constantly in a soccer match is the clock. There is so much trotting out there that an offensive lineman could last 15 or 20 minutes, especially at the defender position. Yes, players do almost constantly move, but they are hardly sprinting most of the time.
Why the game is described this way? Soccer fans only think about the very best moments of the game when describing their favorite sport. Well, we American sports fans do the same thing when we describe football, basketball, baseball, hockey, golf …you get the point.
3. Stop Telling Us We Don’t Get It
Any sports fan that likes basketball or hockey at the professional or college level can understand the rules and strategy of soccer. The one rule we may not like is the offside rule. We understand passing angles because we like those sports and we understand player movement for the same reason. We get it, just let it be ok for us to get it and not like it (ironically, I think many more defensive fans would like soccer if that was the case).
4. Stop Ragging on Football
So the plan to get the average American sports fan to enjoy soccer is to attack the most popular sport in the country right now? Ok, let me win a girl over who has a great relationship with her mother by calling that older woman a b*tch. Below are couple of smaller treatments on this futile strategy.
A.) I get that in many counties around the world the sport we call soccer is called football. Keep in mind that we did not invent the term football, the British did in 1863 to differentiate their new sport from Rugby football. Yes, even I think it is silly that the sport we call football is named after the foot, however, do not call our sport “American football” if you are standing on American soil. It is just insulting. Call it that once you enter international waters, but not here when discussing the sports with American sports fans.
B.) Also, stop making ludicrously simple (and ridiculously mistaken) statements about the sport we call football. Our players are not hitting each other with pillow body suits. They are ramming incredibly large and muscled bodies into each other risking death and paralysis ever play. It is one heck of a brutal sport that is based on strategy at every position that does not require the players to make decisions for themselves. These decisions are made in split seconds, so to a novice it appears like the receiver ran an out route, but in reality he looked the coverage and made a choice to find the open zone and is relying on the quarterback to make the same read.
If soccer is going to thrive in America it is going to have to co-exist with football, basketball, baseball, and hockey. So, stop trying to pretend like once soccer is accepted it will dominate (as per reason to hate number one), it will exist alongside these sports and will be lucky if it is included into the Big Four club.
5. Stop Calling it the Beautiful Game
Every time I read this my eyes roll. I do not care if it is in quotes or not, it is a presumptive way to open the dialogue about a sport while immediately conceding a completely subjective interpretation of the play on the field. It is ridiculous, but then again this is probably the same response every time a baseball fan in Japan reads about the World Series in the United States.
Reasons to Watch and Embrace the Sport of Soccer
1. There are No Commercials
The only sport in which the lengths of the commercials make sense is football. This is sport about chess-like strategy ever freaking play. The commercials are about the time it takes to get the offense and defense on and off the field. Commercials in basketball and baseball are too long. I hate the television timeout while watching March Madness. Don’t we have the technology just to run the ads along the bottom of the screen like a stock price index? In soccer there are no commercials during play so if you have to watch an MLS game the dreadful experience is not nearly as long and painful as it could be. If it is a rather good UEFA game then it is easy to get into the flow of the game.
2. It Inspires National Pride
The Summer Olympics are popular here because they inspire national pride and camaraderie. This is a nice break from what feels like an increasingly polarized society. Soccer is big into national teams and has tournaments that cross national borders and feature clubs from different leagues. Television ratings prove that we love that sense of national pride, so why do we fight a sport in which that pride plays such a huge role in the sports culture? We could enjoy that kind of comradeship without having to watch gymnastics or synchronized swimming.
3. The Relegation System
The franchise system is a way to ensure the major markets get to see their team play in the top league every year, even if they are awful and the front office did nothing to try and improve the team. The relegation system rewards winners and punishes losers, taking the bottom two teams and relegating them to a lower division and bringing the two best teams up. For a nation as obsessed with the free market as we are why hasn’t this caught on?
4. We Could Win if We Wanted to
This is a rather bold statement, but it is true. Our best athletes do not play soccer and our national soccer team still manages to do pretty well against the rest of the world. Imagine LeBron James as a forward on a soccer field. Imagine Sean Peyton coaching the team and revolutionizing the sport. Imagine Randy Moss defending goal. We have the most athletically gifted, tall gods of sportsman on the planet in this country and that would be put on display on a soccer field and end any debate (if there is any) about the caliber of our athletes.
5. It Might Help Fight Childhood Obesity
Soccer is a sport that is rather simple to furnish. Get a good chunk of space, two goals, and a ball and you have a soccer field. In an era where basketball courts are being destroyed in the suburbs because reactionary parents believe they bring drugs into the neighborhood, we need some low-cost sport that these parents feel comfortable with. Soccer could be that sport. This sport could even thrive in the inner cities. The plot of land does not have to be grass, so let the kids play in an empty parking lot. Coincidentally, we would likely get the best soccer players for the next generation from those blacktops because coming from poverty is an incredible motivator for athletes.